i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
