I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
