You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
