Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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