Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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