Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
