bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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