So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
