Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize