That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
