the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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