P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
