I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
