She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
