Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
