I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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