Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
