Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
