Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
