You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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