He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
