Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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