you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
