Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
