Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
