Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
