I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
