Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
