just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My feet surprised me
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