P.S. I can't hear my feet
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
