I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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