Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
