too bad you live with your parents still
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize