I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
