ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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