I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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