i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize