quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
