Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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