Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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