Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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