Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
