Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize