sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
