Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They took my balls.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize