Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
