Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Too much gin, very little bucket
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
