i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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