I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
