There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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