The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
