why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
