Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
