my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
