He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
