....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
