Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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