Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
