on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i've created a new STD.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
