the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
