Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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