I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
