i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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