apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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