Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
