Your face is a jimmy john
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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