This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How's work?
Spinning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
