i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize