all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
