She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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