She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
