I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
