tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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