she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
