the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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