Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
