evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
