We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
