he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
