I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
