next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
