I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize