Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
