bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
