I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
