I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
