??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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