It's Friday. Sex?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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