Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you win again, gameday.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
