Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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