She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
