We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
tell me about the fingering
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
