On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
