So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
